Candid speech is my default setting. I tend to say what I think. This does not mean I always believe what I think is right. Sometimes I disagree with myself just as the words leave my lips and must spend the next few moments clarifying (or taking back) my previous statements.
Just like we must change our default settings on a new device to make it work better, our personality defaults must often change as well. I’ve been trying to change mine for years.
Recently, I had a rough week. People kept asking what I thought – and I told them! They asked for my opinion, perhaps expecting me to say “great!” I said “not so great” instead.
The first person asking didn’t “really” want to know what I thought. I suspect they wanted me to congratulate or compliment them. But I couldn’t honestly do so. Instead, I told the truth in a straight-forward, but not unkind, way.
Later, someone else asked for my opinion on the same subject. I still said “not so great,” but added an important clarification: “I have already told the person in charge.”
Knowing my default, I have established a hard and fast rule: never say in someone’s absence what you haven’t already said in their presence.
In this case, both parties were unimpressed. They didn’t like my opinion. It was a criticism. And neither the subject of that criticism, nor the friend of the subject of that criticism wanted to accept it.
The thing I know they accepted (and even said they appreciated) was my consistency. My answer to everyone asking was the same.
I know my default still needs adjustment from time to time. The “offer a compliment first” box should be checked on my personality more often. But when it’s not….my policy tends to help.
Let’s not be confused, rules don’t fix everything for sinful people like myself. I’m still too eager to offer a negative opinion. And I ask forgiveness for something I’ve said more often than I’d prefer. But I rarely worry about being overheard. My opinions in public should be the same as my opinions in private. That’s the way I like it.